Do you ever bargain with God?
I do. Or I should say that I attempt to. It seems to be a very one-sided bargaining conversation.
A lot of times I try to bargain for being a lotto winner. Please God, I tell him, just let me win the lottery. I promise that I’ll take care of all of my family members, and give a lot of money and time to various charties. I’ll be able to do so much good, God. If only you’d let me win the lotto. If only…
And I would too. Do so much good that is. So, if you’re reading this, God, I promise I will!
But God doesn’t want to bargain with me on the lotto thing, apparantly. Which is such a shame, if you ask me.
I’ll also pray to those I’ve lost and try to bargain with them as well. Grandma, I’ll say, please just let me get suchandsuch. If you do, then I promise I’ll…
Well, have you ever had one of those instances where you’d swear that He heard you and answered you? Or in some cases, no answer is answer enough.
I was bargaining with God the other day, not asking for anything this time except for some sign or guidance to help make a decision. Remember when I declared that I’m a writer? Each year, RWA has a contest for unpublished writers called The Golden Heart. It’s the crème de la crème of writing contests for the unpubs. To become a finalist or a winner garners a huge amount of recognition.
My conversation with God went something like this.
Do you think I should do it, God? Do you think I should enter my next manuscript in next year’s contest? I listened for a response, but didn’t hear one. The problem is the whole lack of time thing. Being a working mom, when I’m home I spend all of my time with my son. I get home from work and spend the next hour and a half playing with Little Man before he falls asleep for the night, then Hottie comes home and I spend some time with him and update this blog. So my writing time? Where does it hide? Should I be like Lisa Kleypas or Jayne Ann Krentz and write at 4 AM?
So I decided to pose the question to God. Because if anyone would know, it’d be Him. Should I get up at 4 AM, God? Is it worth it? The lack of sleep to tell the story and enter it?
I listened for a response and didn’t hear one. I tried one more time. God? Should I wake up at 4 AM everyday and write? If that’s what you want me to do, then wake me up tomorrow at 4 AM.
I didn’t think about it anymore as I had Little Man to get ready for bed, Hottie to catch up with and blogging to do. I set my alarm for 5:30 AM so I would have enough time to get ready in the morning, feed Little Man, and head into work.
I woke up the next morning and it was still dark. My alarm hadn’t gone off yet, so I listened with my eyes shut for Little Man. Sometimes he wakes up early because he’s hungry. I didn’t hear him.
I rolled over and looked at the clock.
It was 4 AM.